Grimsburg 2×4

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♪

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I feel like I have boogers.

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Eu tenho tempo para girar
o foguete? Oh, we're on?!

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Olá.  Estou aqui relatando ao vivo
 on the eve

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of the Virgin Games, where 50 virgins will

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compete and the biggest loser
 será nosso vencedor.

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But how did we get here?

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<i>Em 1863, Virgin Elsinore Crupp
 was to be</i>

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<i>sacrificed by our forefathers in the hopes of</i>

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<i>putting an end to
 Um fim de semana particularmente ventoso.</i>

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<i>However,
 her beheading was botched, and</i>

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<i>for three days straight,
 Ela amaldiçoou</i>

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nossa cidade, e é por isso que hoje
 our

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murder rate is so high and our internet so laggy.

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<i>Desde então, Elsinore's
 refusal to obey her</i>

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<i>elders has made her a cult icon to
 Quem já</i>

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<i>conheceu um boomer,
 giving Grimsburg the</i>

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<i>largest virgin population
 Fora do Toontown do Mickey.</i>

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And here's one of her fans now

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already lined up para entrar primeiro.

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Sir, how are you honoring
 virgens hoje?

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Will you be watching Zack Snyder's

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director's cut of "Justice League"?

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Senhor?

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[Boom]

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I guess we'll never know.

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De volta para vocês no estúdio,
whose jobs I deeply covet.

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Você sabe, eu só ... I'm
just gonna snot rocket.

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[Tocação de música temática]

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♪

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[Estalido]

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♪

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KANG: You OK, Flute?

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Você parece estar bebendo
compulsivamente more than usual.

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Flauta: não muito
 great options tonight.

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Até os óculos de cerveja
 aren't working.

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Hora de algum licor lasik.

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Ooh!  Confira -a.

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Incorrectly buttoned cardigan, rímel meio gritado,

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cartão de crédito preso a the back of her thigh.

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Parece que acabei de
encontrar the love of my night.

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Kang: Talvez seja hora de abandonar the one-night stands,

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try connecting with someone em um nível mais profundo.

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FLUTE: That's rich, coming from
 alguém que mora

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sozinho, não namora e se recusa
 to hang out with me

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on the weekends even
 Embora qualquer idiota pudesse

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ver que teríamos um tempo adorável
 on a tandem bike.

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Kang: Meu estilo de vida
solitário é uma escolha.

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As an immortal, I've made conexões mais do que suficientes

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ao longo dos séculos. I'm all por pequenas conversas e orgasmos.

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- FLUTE: That can happen?
 - Kang: Pode ...

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if you live long enough
 e pareça tão bom.

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[Bar music playing]

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Flauta: Vou fechar nossas guias.

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WOMAN: Hey, bartender,
Eu preciso de dois tiros.

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Eu recebo uma foto de uísque e
you get a shot to take me home.

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Tudo que você precisa
fazer é dizer the magic word.

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Flauta: elevador, limonada, spa, gargantuan,

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bicycle, fortress, oolong, radio, radical, radioterapia.

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Espera. Não, são duas palavras.
Was it one of those words?

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- Porque eu poderia dividi -los.
 - WOMAN: It was please.

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Flauta: Nunca teria adivinhado isso.

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WOMAN: Even better.
 Vamos.

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[Queda]

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♪

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FLUTE: Uh!

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♪

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[2 gunshots]

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Eu tenho que descobrir
 how safeties work.

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[Mulher ri]

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FLUTE: Ahh.

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[Pássaros cantando, gemidos de flauta]

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♪

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[Thuds suave]

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WOMAN:
 Wait.  Why are you sneaking out?

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- Este é o seu lugar.
 - FLUTE: Oh, right.  Eu acho que é apenas hábito.

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WOMAN: Please. Eu durmo in so many strangers' beds,

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my memory foam mattress Não se lembra mais de mim.

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FLUTE: Well, for a pro,
Você não é ótimo nisso.

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You almost forgot your purse.

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Primeira regra de Smash and Dash
... can't come back once you leave.

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Mulher: É verdade, mas você broke the biggest

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rule of a one and done... Você está falando comigo.

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FLUTE: Gross game recognizes
 jogo bruto.

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Eu sei disso goes against
the rules, - but you want

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to grab breakfast?
 - A caminhada da vergonha é onde

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eu recebo a maior parte
dos meus passos, but sure.

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[Veículo se aproximando]

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FLUTE: Kang, I did it.

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Eu segui seu conselho
e fiz uma conexão.

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Did you know you can talk
Para uma mulher depois do

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sexo - e não apenas desculpas?
 - KANG: Good for you.

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- Qual o nome dela?
 - flauta: eu não sei.  I'm not a perv.

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WYNONA: Más
notícias. Nobody's dead.

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A bomba foi anexada a um manequim.

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Total corpse tease.
Mas ele deixou uma nota.

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FLUTE: "Virginity is a
disease. "Cancele os jogos ou

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haverá um sacrifício virgem
real when I bomb the finals."

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Martinez: é por isso que nós
need someone on the inside...

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uma virgem que pode posar como
um contestant and make it to the finals.

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Otis o detetive do garoto,
você está acordado.

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OTIS: Sorry, Chief, but I bateu
meu vizinho ontem à noite.

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Still got the bandage no
meu joelho para provar isso.

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SUMMERS: I could do it.

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Tecnicamente, 74,2%
of my new body is

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a virgin, and so
was the other 25.8%.

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Wynona: Por favor. Summers
Não

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